hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
