At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
