I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
