I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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