I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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