I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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