i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
