I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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