just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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