remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize