her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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