I hate your face
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
