great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Two words: nipple clamps
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