I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
