i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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