Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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