How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
