My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize