I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
