did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
