Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
