Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i've created a new STD.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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