She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
