dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
