The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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