So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
