I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
it's like iHOP with fire
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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