I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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