i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
foreskin is a definite game changer
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
