I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
