I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
