Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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