used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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