my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
