so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
