Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
