What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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