im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize