he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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