i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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