Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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