I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
