He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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