Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
