I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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