my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
