Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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