i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Drunk is not a location!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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