I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
