thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
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Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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