with your own penis?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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