for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
