I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
