you're like a bully in the Christmas story
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
