i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just want nice things and good sex
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
