Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
