OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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