Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
