i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
