I need help removing her.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just made my gag reflex go away.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
