I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
