He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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