Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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