At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
