he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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