her facebook's as public as her vagina
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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