Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
