Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
