i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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