i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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