When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
