I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
