i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
