im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
