I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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