White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
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