Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Randomize
