I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
