My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
