cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
