Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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