chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
